It's been an interesting few days at the Birn compound. Stuart has learned how to manipulate his mother in the evenings. Janna feeds him, makes sure he has a clean diaper and puts him to bed. Within a couple of minutes Stuart is screaming for attention, refusing to sleep without mom holding him. This has gotten worse in the past few days, as he's been screaming for Janna almost immediately. We've both had just about enough of it and last night we let him cry himself to sleep. Needless to say, Stuart was furious at this turn of events but after 10 minutes of livid crying he calmed himself down and went to sleep for five hours.
As we can see above, Stuart is getting his first taste of discipline. It had to happen though, we can't have a baby manipulating his mother all night long. The fact of the matter is that he wasn't hungry, his diaper wasn't dirty, he wasn't sick and there wasn't a giant spider crawling on him so he had no need to have his mother around. He was demanding attention and we won't stand for that when it's time to go to sleep. God has given us Stuart in order that we might raise him to be a good Christian adult and in order for us to raise up a good Christian adult we have to teach him self control and self discipline. It begins when their babies, even at 15 days old. If he learns how to control his anger when he's a baby, he'll have a much better time controlling it when he's older. He's manipulative, all babies are. He knows exactly what he's doing and we won't stand for this.
It will take awhile for us to teach Stuart how to control himself, but it begins by not responding to his sinful, manipulative behavior today. Not only was he attempting to manipulate his mother, he displayed uncontrolled anger and we have to work to stamp these sins out now. It's our duty as Christian parents to do this and while it was tough for Janna to listen to Stuart cry, it was for the best. Really it was best for both of them, not only is it teaching Stuart how to control himself, it's teaching Janna that he is able to do it. God has entrusted us with this little one, we can't sin against the Lord by allowing our son to grow up thinking his demands must be met at all times. I won't stand for a self centered little brat and we can stamp this sort of stuff out now. In the end, we are doing what's best for Stuart and we are doing what God expects us to do for him. We love our son to much not to teach him these lessons.
Getting to more fun events, today is our anniversary. We had celebrated at Tre Cugini on Friday but we decided to make a nice dinner tonight to. It helps that D&W had two for one ribeyes on Saturday. So with those two for one ribeyes, we made Steak au Poivre and matchstick potatoes. It was simply wonderful. Ribeyes have a robust steak flavor, someone different from a NY Strip, perhaps, dare I say more robust. Our au Poivre sauce was rich and delicious. It was a wonderful meal prepared for a wonderful wife.
And here we have a happy picture of our son. Don't mistake things, Stuart is a good boy most of the time and he's usually in a happy mood as he is here. He has his moments though and it is our Christian duty to teach him how to not have those moments. It is a life long process of course but in disciplining him now, we hope to not have to discipline him more when he's a little older. He really is a good little boy though and he's been a great blessing in our lives. Just think, a year ago we were just getting married, now we have a two and a half week old boy. God has blessed us greatly.
It's been an interesting few days at the Birn compound. Stuart has learned how to manipulate his mother in the evenings. Janna feeds him, makes sure he has a clean diaper and puts him to bed. Within a couple of minutes Stuart is screaming for attention, refusing to sleep without mom holding him. This has gotten worse in the past few days, as he's been screaming for Janna almost immediately. We've both had just about enough of it and last night we let him cry himself to sleep. Needless to say, Stuart was furious at this turn of events but after 10 minutes of livid crying he calmed himself down and went to sleep for five hours.
As we can see above, Stuart is getting his first taste of discipline. It had to happen though, we can't have a baby manipulating his mother all night long. The fact of the matter is that he wasn't hungry, his diaper wasn't dirty, he wasn't sick and there wasn't a giant spider crawling on him so he had no need to have his mother around. He was demanding attention and we won't stand for that when it's time to go to sleep. God has given us Stuart in order that we might raise him to be a good Christian adult and in order for us to raise up a good Christian adult we have to teach him self control and self discipline. It begins when their babies, even at 15 days old. If he learns how to control his anger when he's a baby, he'll have a much better time controlling it when he's older. He's manipulative, all babies are. He knows exactly what he's doing and we won't stand for this.
It will take awhile for us to teach Stuart how to control himself, but it begins by not responding to his sinful, manipulative behavior today. Not only was he attempting to manipulate his mother, he displayed uncontrolled anger and we have to work to stamp these sins out now. It's our duty as Christian parents to do this and while it was tough for Janna to listen to Stuart cry, it was for the best. Really it was best for both of them, not only is it teaching Stuart how to control himself, it's teaching Janna that he is able to do it. God has entrusted us with this little one, we can't sin against the Lord by allowing our son to grow up thinking his demands must be met at all times. I won't stand for a self centered little brat and we can stamp this sort of stuff out now. In the end, we are doing what's best for Stuart and we are doing what God expects us to do for him. We love our son to much not to teach him these lessons.
Getting to more fun events, today is our anniversary. We had celebrated at Tre Cugini on Friday but we decided to make a nice dinner tonight to. It helps that D&W had two for one ribeyes on Saturday. So with those two for one ribeyes, we made Steak au Poivre and matchstick potatoes. It was simply wonderful. Ribeyes have a robust steak flavor, someone different from a NY Strip, perhaps, dare I say more robust. Our au Poivre sauce was rich and delicious. It was a wonderful meal prepared for a wonderful wife.
And here we have a happy picture of our son. Don't mistake things, Stuart is a good boy most of the time and he's usually in a happy mood as he is here. He has his moments though and it is our Christian duty to teach him how to not have those moments. It is a life long process of course but in disciplining him now, we hope to not have to discipline him more when he's a little older. He really is a good little boy though and he's been a great blessing in our lives. Just think, a year ago we were just getting married, now we have a two and a half week old boy. God has blessed us greatly.
38 comments:
Happy Anniversary!
ha, you spent like 30 minutes of writing to defend why you let Stuart cry himself to sleep....perhaps you feel as bad about it as Janna did???
Hardly, I spent no more than 5 minutes writing this. I frankly don't feel bad about it at all, the kid needs to learn that his demands will not be met at his will. It's for his own good. Furthermore, I am defending nothing in this post but rather speaking about our parenting philosophy.
So, is there a wedding being scheduled Loretta?
no, i missed my chance last night. :(
Steve, you'd better post more pictures of a happy Stuart before your parents call CPS and sue for custody.
I'm not worried about that, my parents still can't figure out how to get to this blog.
Oh Birn. You make me chuckle. Always trying to incite the wrath of others...
He's such a cutie!
I wake up in the morning and the wrath of others has been incited.
What?????? Honestly what are you thinking? God also entrusted you with this innocent child to love and cherish!
Well Anon, because God has entrusted us with this child (he is not innocent, we are all guilty before God) we must train him to be a civilized person. Because we love our son, we teach him to be patient and not self-centered. By letting him cry out, he not only learns that he isn't the center of the world but he also learns how to calm himself down. These are skills that will benefit him the rest of his life. Because we love him, we let him learn these lessons today rather than when he's three, four or five. If we were to wait, we would have a monster on our hands and it would be more difficult for him to learn these lessons.
I agree with you that children must be trained and yes they have sinful human natures... but we as parents must decide at what time and in what way training must start. Keep in mind that your little guy has no other way to communicate with you other than crying. He needs to know that his parents are there for him when he needs them... he may be frustrated because he's uncomfortable, has an ear ache, or a number of other things and at just a couple of weeks old you haven't been able to communicate with him long enough to know the difference. No harm my friend in responding to a 2 week old baby! That's exactly what babies need! Adjusting to the outside world is tough. There will be plenty of time (in the near future) to teach him to soothe himself. He will in no way be spoiled at such a very young age. At least wait until you know you can distinguish his cries, but it will still take at least a few more weeks before your baby will be able to communicate with you in other subtle ways. You need to get to know your baby a little longer than 2 weeks before deciding that you're going to ignore him at night. Take it from someone who has been through it.
If that's what you honestly think about a two-week-old child I would suggest a) getting pastoral counseling right away, and b) consider giving your child up for adoption. It's obvious you do not have the patience or compassion for genuine Christian parenting. No infant, whether born to 'Christian' parents or otherwise, should be subject to neglect and abuse. Yes, they are sinful by nature but no, they are not Maslov's dogs; they are made in the image of God and you will be accountable for all that you do.
I meant Pavlov's dogs... although Maslow could be involved here. Regardless, I apologize for the harsh tone and impulsive comment... just shell-shocked by this apparent indifference to childhood nurture.
What a bunch of idiotic comments. Pastoral counseling? Our pastor would tell us we're spot on and doing the right thing. We let the boy cry out when he has no needs and it's time to go to sleep. This isn't neglect in the least. We're teaching the boy patience and how to control himself. It's time to go to bed, I don't care if he wants to be held, that isn't going to happen all night long. He'll get fed, he'll get his diaper changed and he'll be held for 5-10 minutes but then it's time to go to bed. He doesn't need to be held all night, it doesn't do him any good and it certainly doesn't do his mother any good.
Give the baby up for adoption? Anyone who suggests as such is an hysterical ninny, so focused on their unbiblical attachment parenting to see the bigger picture.
Unbiblical parenting is unbalanced parenting. Neglecting a child because one is impatient or frustrated is as sinful as overly consoling a child all night long, without discipline. But really, what cognitive capacities does an infant have? Does he think, 'Oh, I want to upset daddy, so I'm going to do what irritates him... cry loud at 1:30 a.m. Yeah! Take that daddy!'? Somehow I doubt it.
I doubt your pastor would endorse letting a two-week-old child cry it out all night long (his wife surely wouldn't!), but maybe you're not endorsing that either.
As for the adoption comment, 'hyperbole' comes to mind.
Well, I've just come to this blog for the first time and I have to say I found it very, very refreshing. You're absolutely right. You can't just have babies crying all the time because they "need to be changed" or "need to eat" or "need love and affection." And some times they cry for no reason!
Have you tried to simply reason with your child, conveying your carefully nuanced and psychologically astute philosophy to him so that he won't have to waste any time in embracing a truly self-effacing ascesis? That might be the best place to start. Some people will say that you shouldn't try to reason or argue with newborns just because they don't have a grasp of language and aren't capable of analytical and discursive reasoning. Pfft. They can sure cry, can't they? So maybe they can start being responsible for their behavior.
I agree with Paul. Have you ever heard of Maslow's hierarchy? It is such a load of crap.
Those are good comments. One really does need to run babies with iron fists, otherwise they just run right over you. Not literally, of course--they can't run yet. You know, because they're just babies. But they sure can manipulate you. Man, I was in this restaurant once and this baby was just staring at me and smiling--really mocking me, you know? And I was all like, "You want some of this?! Bring it!" And this little thing just kept smiling, like I was being funny. I think it was trying to get a rise out of me. And then it's mom got all up in my face. But what can you do? Some people are bad parents.
You know what I did with my little daughter? I just put her in a cage when she did something evil, like crying or failing to grasp the concept of object permanence. It really did wonders for her personality. Now, she hardly ever cries. She does still get seizures (she's a manipulative little one--gets it from my husband), but don't worry! I punish her for those too.
Have you guys ever seen that show Family Guy? There's a baby on there that is a mastermind and hatches all kinds of evil plots. Anyway, ALL babies are like that.
Also there's a talking dog.
Attachment parenting at its finest, get out the hoards to note bomb folks who disagree with ad hominin attacks and ridiculous statements. Meanwhile, you smother your children with to much attention and create self-centered little brats who think they're the center of the world.
"self-centered little brats"
All due respect, a 2 week old does not learn from your "expert parenting skills". I am still shaken by that post weeks later. Eph 6: Fathers do not exasperate your children. I can't imagine Joseph telling Mary to not pick up little baby Jesus as he cried 2 weeks old. I suggest seeing your pastor right away.
Troubled Christian father, you are ridiculous. Children are born sinners, they're born self-centered and sinful and it's the duty of parents to teach them not to sin. When it comes to little ones, such as Stuart, one of the little things we can do is to teach them that their demands will not be met simply because they demand them. One way to do that is by letting them cry out at night. Does God answer all of our prayers right away and in just the way we want them? No. So why should a parent answer to the demands of a baby, especially one who has just been fed, had his diaper changed and is ready for bed? Oh but Christ would never abandon us, how can we abandon our children? Did not the Holy Spirit abandon Christ on the cross? Did not the Holy Spirit return in due time? So to will mom and dad return, in reality the child is never abandoned but left to go to sleep which is usually what they really want anyway.
So, 'troubled Christian father' what exactly makes you an expert at parenting? Care to tell us who you are and care to detail for us your successful parenting philosophy and skills? Do you have adult children that we can look to as evidence of your success? Or are you just an attachment parent spouting off against anyone who dares disagree with your absurd philosophy?
You'll be happy to know letting Stuart cry out has worked perfectly. At this point, he rarely does anymore because he's learned that we won't respond. He's gone from crying for 15-20 minutes to crying for a minute or not at all. He's a good boy, he learned quickly.
I am ridiculous? I am not the once depriving my child of love and affection. Just because you think he was ready for bed does not mean he was ready for bed. Maybe by staying up that night you were going to be deprived of something you wanted to do, but oh with fatherhood comes sacrifices.
I am so happy to know that you have gained control of a little infant. I do not know what attached parenting is. I do not have grown adult children, just someone who has a young child as well. That is why I was so shaken by your post. You said he knew exactly what he was doing? So you know the mind of an infant. That is great. You said he had uncontrolled anger and was manipulating his mother.
What, is this the Hulk? Bruce Banner as a 2 week old?
If you gave him all his needs (diaper, food, checked to make sure he wasn't sick or crawling insects), what is wrong with just love and affection for the child?
Holding him until he falls asleep as a 2 week old child is not going to cause a conceited self-centered young adult.
I am curious to know if you talked to your pastor yet.
Holy Spirit abondoned Christ? Where is that in Scripture? When did the Holy Spirit return in due time? Did the Holy Spirit come back to Christ? Where is that at? Just curious...
If you're going to continue this than please state who you are.
As for babies, they aren't animals, they don't opperate on instict alone. They can be taught and molded, they have souls. Stuart needed to learn how to go to sleep on his own, this is one of those essential skills that babies need to learn on their own. We love our son to much not to teach him these things.
The night in question, neither of us were going to stay up all night to hold the child. It would have been my wife who did it, she was tired and it wasn't necessary for him to be held all night long. That's simply not an option for him or for us. Love an affection is great but when it's time to go to sleep children have to go to bed. Mom and dad aren't going to stay up all night holding a baby, especially when said baby needs to learn how to go to sleep on his own.
Have I talked to my pastor? I have not but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that he will endorse what we're doing 100%. I can see him telling us something along the lines of 'finally a young couple has it right.' It helps that his wife did the same thing with his kids, his daughter does the same with her son, my wife's parents did the same with their 8 children etc.
The Christ-Holy Spirit example perhaps wasn't the best example in the world and perhaps it could have been explained better. The Holy Spirit left Christ as he was dying on the cross, that's pretty clear.
What disturbs me more than anything else here is the sissification of men. You find it disturbing that a couple who you may or may not not lets their baby cry out at night? Get a grip man. Love is more than a bunch of warm fuzzy nonsense, I would think men would understand that. Sometimes love is tough, in this case it is. We love the boy to much to have him dependant on his mother to go to sleep. If that means he has 10 minutes of crying, so be it. The fact is, the boy understands what's going on and goes right to sleep at this point, he doesn't cry at all. Tough love works wonders, it's pathetic that men have become so sissified that they can't even see that. I sware I'm opperating in a world of 90% women and 40% of those people are supposed to be men.
It certainly is an uncomplicated mind that borrows principles (like original sin) from the field of soteriology and applies them to the practice of child-rearing, holding up the result as a model of theological sophistication no less.
Nothing says fun like the arrogance of an anonymous noter.
I suppose one should expect such anonymous postings when the sorts of views that could thrive only in an insular subculture are exposed to the open air of the web. Rather like putting a freak in a cage in the center of the town square. It will be quite difficult for the passers by to resist poking him with a stick as they proceed along their way.
I actually expect anonymous posts from cowards who are afraid to let their idenity be known for fear that folks might see that they're truly idiots. So go ahead, continue attacking me. You show yourself to be nothing more than a coward.
Poke, poke.
This game is too easy. Poke, poke.
It seems to me that Mr. Birn is himself the product of attachment parenting.
Well, Mr. Anonymous, it seems to me like you're someone who in addition to being a coward just doesn't know how to recognize a good argument. 'Mr. Birns', as you call him, is absolutely right. Haven't you ever heard of that experiment where they took baby monkeys away from their mothers and put them with surrogate mothers who were actually fake puppets? They wanted to see what would happen if they kept feeding and cleaning the monkeys but didn't give them any affection or coddle them. Well, the monkeys died and it's because they were too sentimental and weak.
And that's just what God doesn't want, sentimentality and weakness. That's why he doesn't just give grace away, you have to earn it by hard work and tough discipline.
Those monkeys died because they were weak. Stronger monkeys would've grown up into responsible Christian adults.
Mr. Ryan... grace is given by 'earning' it? That's a contradiction in terms. Grace is 'unmerited favor'. Interesting that you're also an evolutionist as well... maybe that's where the 'scold and burn' method of parenting comes from.
Mr. Previous Anonymous,
Had you not leapt upon the 'contradiction' that excited you so, had you instead focused on the tenor and logic of the whole of Mr. Aerentson's delightful contribution (Bravo Ryan, if I may address you informally, for I feel I've stumbled on a kindred spirit), you might have noticed the ridiculousness of the referred to monkey 'study.' Then, perhaps, instead of jumping on another catchphrase (this time 'evolution') you might just have begun to suspect that Mr. Aerentson was playfully employing a bit of irony here, and by suggesting that grace ought to be earned -- yes, yes, a contradiction in terms as you so delightedly point out! -- is not a slip in Mr. Aerentson's reasoning but the linchpin of his ironic attempt to deconstruct the original posting that has gotten us all started, some several dozen postings ago, namely, the blogger himself's very ironic theologically motivatied ungraciousness toward his child. Aha! There it is. Follow what the mere logickers call 'contradiction' until it becomes what the prophets, poets, sages, and divines call 'irony.' If you follow this trail, dear Mr. Previous Anonymous, you might just do more with words than lob ready-made epithets like 'evolutionist'at the poet. Really, wouldn't you rather paint the Mona Lisa than stand by and accuse Leonardo of a heliocentric theory of the universe or other such triviality?
Yours truly,
Mr. Current Anonymous
PS. I regret to inform you that, according to the rules of this website, your anonymous posting forces me to declare you a 'coward.'
PPS. Poke, poke.
Dear Mr. Current Anonymous,
Ah, such is the indictiveness of the poetic mind! Alas, I jumped to conclusions and judged irony when I should have tipped my hat to her. Well, at least she is gracious enough to forgive and no doubt kinder to her critics than 'Mr. Birn' is to crying babies.
Oh, as the Brits would say, 'cheerio'!
P.S. Poke! Poke!
Dear Everyone,
For the record, I withheld my spirit from my son at his dying. That's how come he died. And as Mr Birn points out, he is right to try to do the same to his son.
Also, anyone who won't give comfort to a baby and then tells him it's for his own good is by definition a man. And I love men. I mean, I really love men.
Finally, cruelty and love are the same thing. Amen.
Oh yeah. . .I forgot to say that I wish more people would haul out cameras and snap pictures of their children as they respond to punishment.
If that would happen, then the world would be fully sanctified and the whole stupid economy of salvation could finally be over with. I am getting soooooo tired of that thing. Amen.
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